Okay maybe it's not such a wonderful words to be said, to be heard. Truthfully I just wanna you know how sad I am, knowing you expected something great from me. You should've known I'd been being a sinner. I'm angry that I couldn't even avoid myself. At first, I though it would be better if I followed the rule with my own destination, but suddenly, I realized it changed.
Sorry for not telling you directly, because I just can't. I don't think I'm ready for that sharp-gaze, hoping I'll say good things. I'm not ready to see changing in the way you stare at me, and try to hide it under your strong gaze. You must be so proud of me. I'm sorry because I'm not that good to be proud of.
You always ask me wheter I did everything sincerely, because sincerity is important. And you'll be very disappointed if you find out me didn't obey it. What I've ever done were so stupid. I'd been being crazy all the time those memories appeared up. And all I wanna do, I couldn't do. I never can't.
Thank you for caring and trusting me. I wish I didn't lie to you, and have nothing to be worried right now. I wish I could have such a bravery in my heart to face all risks. I'm so embarassed with my self everytime I hear you say "I believe you did it sincerely. I'm proud of you"
No .... If only you knew the truth, you probably have nothing to say anymore.
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